“Hush, my One”
the house is quiet
“sleep you now”
marbled sighs
the rise, the fall of my ribs
as metered with yours
“dawn won’t come”
the walls speak but low
“’til we die”
gallowed cries
the rise, the fall of your arms
gathered up with mine
“drink the wine”
startled sing the birds
“draught of time”
bind the ties
the fall, the rise of this day
linger there as One.
Amaya challenges us to write in the Shadorma poetic form at dVerse.
I like the sound of this, the way it flows.
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Love how the fourth line in each stanza binds together…
marbled sighs
gallowed cries
bind the ties
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Thank you! It was very intentional.
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Very flowing like a song. Or a meditation.
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Thanks, Bekkie! I actually tried singing the italicized voice part before I recorded it.
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I have sang some of my poems before (a lot of mine rhyme) but am not good at writing music per say.
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Ooh, chilling. To be the object of an apparition’s desire. And your reading fit the words eerily well. I liked the “marbled sighs…as metered with yours” and how I felt constrained in my own breath, as if something were latching on and wouldn’t let go.
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Thank you! Always fascinating, as a writer, to see how the different readers interpret.
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I like the repetition of “rise” and “One” tying the dialogue together.
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Glad you picked up on that, Frank.
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Oooh! Oooh! Marbled sighs. Gallowed cries! Til death do us part.
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Exactly. (I wrote this as very dark love poetry.)
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The rise and fall…sigh!….your write kept me glued to it till the end. Amazing when you read out loud…puts a different spin on it. Bravo!
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Glad you stopped by and appreciate your insight!
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😊
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This made the hairs on the back of my neck raise as I listened to your recording. It almost comes out as ritual incantation of darkness. You did the form flawlessly (as far as I can tell). Your tone words and the written voice(s) are pitch perfect!
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Thanks, Charley! That other voice is just me at the end of a bad cold – haha! Got in touch with my theatrical self for the performance. Glad it was effective 🙂
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Very much so!
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Haunting, in a beautiful way.
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I love the natural rhythm of this as I read it, but hearing you read it gave me goosebumps!
Haunting and spooky.
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Glad you stopped by, Barry!
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I liked the repetition, the internal rhymes, and the flow of this–Oh, and “gallowed cries.”
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Thanks! It was an interesting writing process.
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Beautiful and eerie, Jilly! Leave it to you to fashion gothic erotica! 🙂
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Perhaps, but the interpretation is with the reader. The responses have been interesting 🙂
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Indeed! 😆
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gentle, reflective, soulful
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erotic… I had to go back and reread. I took it as a child and mother – but I now see it can be taken in a different direction!
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The interpretation is entirely with the reader. Some readers have seen erotic in this poem, but that does not imply the writer’s purpose. Go with your own thoughts and thanks for stopping by!
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I’ve been reading the responses to your poem and they have put me in mind of the woman in the psychiatrist’s office, taking the Rorschach Test. “What do you see?” “Two elephants mating.” “Interesting. Now what do you see?” “Two rhinos mating.” “Very interesting. Now what do you see?” “Two cobras mating.” “Hmmm. Madam, I believe you have an unhealthy preoccupation with sex.” “Me?!? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures!!!”
In the eye of the beholder.
I saw a scary poem. A very well-done one.
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Hahaha! Love that joke, Charley! Perhaps if I had formatted it a bit differently to show more clearly who is speaking each quoted line it would have helped. I assumed my sound cloud file would make it pretty clear. Lovers face darkness in many forms but still remain beloved. Thanks for stopping by again 🙂
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For the first time, hearing your voice along with the recital of your work is by far fantastic and the flow of your imagery is outstanding. 🙂
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Thanks, Charlie!
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You made it look so easy, Jilly. Sound Cloud, like most things, are blocked in the country. Gotta hear your reading when I have a chance.
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Well, I suppose I could try shouting next time. 🙂
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Haha. Try shouting in quantum waves — they tunnel. 😉
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