Open Link Night at dVerse!
Collaborative poetry has turned into a favorite for me as we move into the Casting Bricks August Challenge. I take up Jeren Nazuto’s Challenge to write an Interlocking Rubáiyát. The first half of the poem, in bold, is Jeren’s excellent groundwork which he entitled The End. Thank you to Jeren for introducing this terrific form! All are welcome to join us in the August Challenge where we write a half poem and our fellow poets complete it. Just click on the Casting Bricks side bar to the right→
The world, burning around me
All the lands and the sea
I weep in streams and rivers
Over the fallen world tree
From the sins, the fire delivers
The earth’s misguided caregivers
And all the pain and suffering
Fueling my body shivers
The sacrifice for my soul’s buffering
awakens, dries my tears unsuffering
the world may ash round my shoes
like fallen leaves, rustling
Lift my eyes, the horizon peruse
quell my fears, none to accuse
all glorious for eternity
body shivers there diffused
© Collaborative Poetry Nazuto/Lyman
Jilly's 
Nice second half. I like these phrases: “none to accuse
all glorious for eternity”
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The differences between our two slants on Jeren’s poem is a source of delight!
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Love the response Jilly ~ Its amazing to read the contrast of emotions between the two of you ~
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Thanks, Grace. More amazing to me is that Frank also wrote a completion of the same one and the differences are astounding.
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Such a fascinating contrast!
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A wonderful contrast in this poem!
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I am at a loss to see what others have seen. Rather than contrast, I see problem (situation) and solution (resolution). The “sins” in Jeren’s half of the poem, are atoned for — the shivering ends. I also thought you did a wonderful job of catching Jeren’s voice and tone in your half-poem response. Great writing both of you!
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Thank you! That is what I was going for. In keeping with Jeren’s normal way of responding (positive outlook), I went with an uplifting solution. I am hopeful that he will enjoy that since I was trying to capture his personality as much as his voice.
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You did it well!
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The sacrifice for my soul’s buffering
awakens, dries my tears unsuffering
the world may ash round my shoes
like fallen leaves, rustling
This is so incredibly powerful!
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Thank you!
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I agree with Charley. The tone is maintained through both voices. Splendid work, both of you!
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Thank you, Jane! Jeren really raised the bar with this one – I had to work for it. 🙂
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It was tremendous team work 🙂
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This is beautiful, jilly! I like how you took it, I wanted someone to do it thag way. I especially love these lines, “the world may ash round my shoes
like fallen leaves, rustling”
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I’m glad you like it, Jeren. It was a tough one to complete – perhaps some of your best words yet! My goal was to keep your poet voice, but to also give it the Jeren Spin of a positive ending in honor of you. So glad you are joining in again!
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That’s so nice of you! Thank you. Collaborations are always fun, I’m lookin forward to do more as the days go!
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I like your hopeful view, so well-expressed.
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on itsallaboutnothingg and commented:
Today is apparently a day of reblogging amazing post. Here’s the completed version of my half poem, beautifully completed by Jilly.
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A beautiful collaboration, vibrant with gentle power. The hopeful ending was just the right touch.
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Thank you! I appreciate your comment.
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I love your response…..it is as if one poem.
The first part mentions “the world burning around me” which is powerful yet general…
and your reply is
“the world may ash round my shoes” to supply the details.
Beautifully done.
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Thanks, Lillian! Do hope you will join us – goes all month 🙂
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