Posted in Poetry

Jilly’s Etheree !

May
Nineteenth
Is the day
I first drew breath
Mom and Dad always
Called at eight twenty five
Sang to me the birthday song
Retelling the story of how
I was really official at eight
But the birth certificate reads later

Family tradition is a wonderful
Treasure to keep to share as the years
Sift shift swiftly whirl by us in
Blurred images of moving
Water that we cannot
Capture in our hands
Bleeding heart buds
When they wilt
Forming
Ice

ยฉ Jillys 2016

Victoria is tending bar over at dVerse where we are
flexing our poetic muscles with the Etheree form.  Join us!
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20 thoughts on “Jilly’s Etheree !

  1. Happy, happy birthday, Jilly–a perfect way to commemorate it. I used to get those early morning birthday calls, too, and hold on to the memory of them. Since my mom’s dementia has progressed, I call her to remind her and to thank her for giving me life.

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  2. …bleeding heart buds when they wilt forming ice …. just an amazing line.
    May 19 — an auspicious day! My son turns 40 on this day — ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy birthday to you too!
    Twas a joy for us 40 years ago and I’m sure for your family as well.

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  3. HAPPYYY BIIIRTHDDAAAAYYYY!! ENJOY SOCIETY’S YEARLY REMINDER OF YOUR MORTALITY LOL!! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Haha, in all seriousness, you really managed (at least, in my interpretation) to capture the bittersweet quality of birthday celebrations and, really, all holiday/family traditions; how they acquire layers of memory and nostalgia like a patina over the years, mingling happiness and regret. I loved how the piece is divided into two movements– how, first, you convey in a plain-spoken, conversational tone, the simple happiness of your family’s traditional phone call celebrating your birthday, only to perform a tonal switch midway through, applying a melancholic introspective lens to the initial scene, asking your audience to consider it in a different light.

    And man, that second stanza sure packs a punch. The dizzying current of “Sift shift swiftly whirl” (liked your choice to leave out commas; conveys the sensory overload and quickness of the years’ flashing in a montage in the speaker’s mind)– and then the sorrowful beauty of ” Blurred images of moving // Water that we cannot // Capture in our hands // Bleeding heart buds // When they wilt // Forming // Ice.” Gorgeous. And great use of the etheree form; the swift motion of the water finally crystallizing into a deathly stillness.

    Needless to say, I guess, but– this was just fantastic. Loved it.

    Hope your birthday’s awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are truly a Poet, my friend! I love your in-depth analysis; the feedback keeps me on track and feeling less obscure. My birthday turned out to be a day of extremes; lost Mom a few months ago and Dad and I cried through the phone call. Ultimately, that is what prompted the poem. And then my wonderful husband bought me THE camera with all of the lens to feed my creative soul. Whew!
      Thanks for taking the time to read & respond! Jilly ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. Your conflicting emotions were mirrored within this etheree and so beautifully. I was moved by both stanzas…the joy and stability of tradition vs. the pain, loss and brevity of life.
    A belated Happy Birthday to you, Jilly! Thanks for sharing this…a very heartfelt piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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