Posted in Poetry

Launching

My mind walked the empty sidewalks of town while I and all others remained moored on narrow bleachers hearing speakers, awards, names, degrees.  The sycamore on the corner did not hear the sounds and gave no applause.  Four pileated woodpeckers, too young for full tail feathers, skimmed over the stage and past the tops of our heads, stroking hard, beaks flowing before their oil-slick heads; single-file, moving east into the painless dawn. Don’t most grand events release doves, I thought.

 

The sycamore asked

why we strive never reaching

the effortless sun

© Jilly’s 2016

dVerse

Haibun Monday

'Walking'
<Not happy with the title - taking suggestions!>
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Author:

A wild soul writing poetry & fiction while teaching high school literature, all with a camera in tow.

30 thoughts on “Launching

  1. I absolutely loved this– very creative take on the prompt.

    The contrast you present between human social constructs, and nature’s grand indifference to these matters, is thought-provoking. Comforting or depressing depending on how you look at it. The haiku is a great distillation of this concept.

    Your word choice is meticulous throughout, and you manage to pack meaning densely into this small piece, while still maintaining a light touch. This sentence about the woodpeckers, in particular, was full of surprising, vivid images: “Four pileated woodpeckers, too young for full tail feathers, skimmed over the stage and past the tops of our heads, stroking hard, beaks flowing before their oil-slick heads; single-file, moving east into the painless dawn.” The idea that the dawn– happy future, off in the distance– is painless suggests to the reader that pain is present elsewhere in the world; in the here and now. Their strain and effort seems to mirror the students’ striving, and that you highlight the absence of the doves emphasizes the speaker’s misgivings about the ceremony, and her future

    Thank you for sharing this! So much to unpack~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so grateful for your analysis. It is affirming to know that I have been successful in expression! I appreciate that you have taken the time to read so carefully, Jilly.

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  2. Indeed, why do we not? I like the woodpeckers better than the doves. That detail made me smile hugely. I have several families of them living in and around my yard. beaks flowing before their oil-slick heads…I can see that in my mind.

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  3. Very interesting take on the prompt. I love that the walking is done in your mind while your body remains still on the bleachers. Perhaps “Wandering” might be a better title, or “Day Dreaming.” Although I like the title you came up with. I only offer alternatives because you asked.

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  4. That sycamore isn’t into paltry human things. I love the interaction – or lack thereof – between pomp and nature. I also appreciate your “walk.” I would have felt the same way. Great poem! It has the ability to call up many responses from many different readers.

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    1. We refer to graduation as ‘walking.’ I teach high school and my students are concerned with getting all their credits so they can ‘walk’ with their class next month. I know – English is crazy!

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  5. An interesting take on the prompt – a walk in the imagination rather than a physical one. I love the phrase ‘moored on narrow bleachers’ contrasted with the woodpeckers free-flying.

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  6. Ah yes — the mind wanders during that graduation ceremony. Having sat on many a stage in full academic regalia, watching hundreds of very proud folks march across the stage and shake hands with a University official, on their way to their future — whatever it holds — I can totally relate to the wandring walk the mind takes in this stream of mortar boards!
    Very creative take on the prompt. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Love the contrast here between the birds and the graduating masses. And that effortless sun! Indeed, we “strive” for so much, while the earth simply turns. And beautifully so.

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  8. You made it effort less to enter into your thoughts. The closing haiku is both beautiful and arresting. I think the title is fine.

    Liked by 1 person

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